Love Your Children's Mother: 7 Keys to Championship Fathering

Sermon outline

The best thing a father can do for his children is to love and respect their mother, because the way he treats her is the pattern they will carry into their own marriages.

1. A husband's number one job is to love his wife

   Championship fathering must involve a woman, and the vows a man took on his wedding day still stand when the years fly by. Loving your wife is not a puzzle to solve or an engine to fix but a pattern to discover and keep for a lifetime. Start somewhere: train yourself to say nice things, give her at least three brief statements a day that back up your love, and focus on how she thinks and feels.

   Illustration: He grew up without a father in the home and never saw a dad loving his mother, so he had no example to follow and found it hard at first to put love into words. He adds that men are nice to people at work they hardly know, yet find it hard to say kind things to the person closest to them.

   “If you really want to love your kids, start by loving their mother.”

   • Ephesians 5:28-29

2. Your children are banking your words and actions

   Impressions are being made on your children every time you interact with their mother. You are the only example they will see of a dad who loves their mother, and they will repeat in their own marriages what they saw and heard at home. The way you treat her writes an invisible and indelible record in their hearts and minds.

   Illustration: Children will say, 'this is just what my dad did to my mom, and so this must be the right thing to do.'

   “They're banking your words and actions to repeat them in the future.”

3. 1. Discuss your children's development with your children's mother

   These are the conversations that keep a father and mother on the same page. Children feel deeply loved when they see their parents united.

   “Your children will feel deeply loved when they see mom and dad united.”

4. 2. Discuss your goals for each child with your children's mother

   Have a specific goal and dream for each child, and ask what kind of adults you want them to be by the time they are 18. Start early with the fundamentals, such as how to handle money: giving to the house of God, saving, being thrifty and investing. It is never too late to change, one day and one week at a time.

   Illustration: Some communities are successful because they teach their children these fundamentals while they are still very young, not at 21 or 25.

   “If you teach them while they're young, they will remember these things when they grow older and they will practice it.”

   • Genesis 39:2

5. 3. Discuss your children's problems with your children's mother

   Pointing the finger and shifting blame never solves anything. Treat the problems as brainstorming for good solutions that will help your children through life. Parenting today is demanding and has become a science with thousands of books, so keep life simple, trust God and do not create problems where there are none.

   Illustration: When his own children were growing up and there was an argument about them, he would tell his wife that they take after her or her family, only to be told that they take after him.

   “Pointing the finger and shifting blame is not going to solve the problem.”

6. 4. Discuss your frustrations as a parent with your children's mother

   Most mothers and fathers both work, and by the time they get home the frustrations of the day are high and the children still need them. A healthy discussion with a healthy dose of encouragement helps each parent see things from the other's side, get on the same page, and pray together specifically for the children.

   “I encourage you today, pray for your children. Prayer will change things.”

7. 5. Spend time away with your wife, away from your children

   You cannot do it all the time, but find a free night to take your children's mother out on a date. If you have never done it, start with once in six months, then once a quarter, then once a month, and keep it inexpensive. Stay the best of friends, or one day you will be sitting with a stranger you have been married to for 30 or 40 years. Time passes quickly, so enjoy your children, your spouse and your marriage.

   Illustration: When Pastor Zubeda raises her voice he reminds her, and himself when he raises his, that he is her friend and not her enemy. He also marvels at how the babies he visited in hospital, and the children who came to Bible study in pyjamas and furry shoes, are now university graduates.

   “I'm not your enemy. I'm your friend.”

8. 6. Have a good relationship with your wife: settle disagreements quickly

   A good marriage is not one without difficulties but one in which you learn to handle them. Do not hold grudges for months or years; try to settle them by the end of the day.

   Illustration: People sit with him in 2015 and say, pastor, let me remind you, in 1995. His answer is that 1995 was a long time ago.

   “A good marriage isn't one that avoids difficulties. It's one in which you learn to handle them.”

9. 7. Be romantic to your wife

   It is not whether you think you are being romantic but whether she feels you are. Get on her page, find out what she loves, and practise listening, because a listening ear undoes stress and shows understanding even when you cannot solve the problem. This includes intimacy: do not lose it.

   Illustration: To help the men remember to keep the love boat afloat, he tells them to think of the banana split he used to enjoy at Milky Lane.

   “Men like shortcuts. Women like the scenery.”

10. Marriage maintenance and improvement is a leadership responsibility for all dads

    He challenges the men to honour their bride, make her feel special and praise her in front of the children. Love your wife first in obedience to God and secondly because it strengthens your marriage, and all the while you are creating memories and indelible impressions in your children. Sometimes a man has to stand up for his wife, and past mistakes are under the blood, but they must not be repeated.

    Illustration: He used to call his wife by her name and found it very hard to say 'honey' at first, because he never heard those words at home, but it became easier with practice. When Adrian once argued with his mother in front of him, he told him he would not speak to his wife like that.

    “Marriage, maintenance, and improvement is a leadership responsibility for all dads.”