From Fellowship to Friendship: Seven Laws Every Leader Needs
Dr RJ Sing, 1 hr 5 min, Part 2 of Ministerial Ethics: Understanding the Times
Originally preached as “Ministerial Ethics: Understanding the Times, Part 2”
Sermon outline
Leaders carry the culture of the church, so they must show respect, win and keep souls, submit to the Lordship of Jesus, and grow their working relationships into faithful, lifelong friendships.
Opening
The recording begins mid-teaching with him telling the leaders not to settle down, which carries straight on from the end of the recording labelled Part 2. He explains that he can say things to leaders and prospective leaders that he cannot say to the whole church on a Sunday, because he wants them to know how he thinks and how they ought to function.
Respect begets respect
Whatever position you hold at work, in church you take a son's place with a servant's attitude. Young leaders must honour older people, and older people must not take advantage of the young. He wants every member over 60 honoured, and praises the leaders for making the church a warm place where people are greeted.
Illustration: In many big churches he and Zubeda found the elderly tucked away in a corner while men in smart suits strutted down the aisle. The next day the church would honour a couple married for 40 years with flowers, an offering and a night in a hotel.
“Respect begets respect.”
- Romans 13:7
Knowledge and redeeming the time: win souls and keep them
Christ's return is imminent and your time on earth is expiring, so your job or business is tent-making and the kingdom comes first. The master wants two things: souls and the establishment of his kingdom. Leaders must train others to win souls, settle arguments quickly, and retain the visitors God sends by phoning, visiting and acknowledging people personally.
Illustration: Pastor Zubeda phoned a visitor from Randberg and offered to have coffee with her on Sunday, and the woman could not believe the pastor's wife would do that. He also shares plans to send members a scripture by SMS on their birthdays and to acknowledge every tithe and offering personally.
“It takes a man to walk out of a fight. It takes a fool to get into one.”
- Hosea 4:6
- Ephesians 5:16-17
- Proverbs 11:30
- Luke 14:23
The most important thing to a Christian: the Lordship of Jesus and the will of God
After taking answers from the leaders, he says the most important thing is the Lordship of Jesus Christ, and then submitting to the will of God and his Word in private and public life. God's will is that you become a vital member of his family, win souls, establish the kingdom, live an overcoming life, spread the gospel and make disciples, and function optimally as a new creation being.
“The most important thing to a Christian is the Lordship of Jesus Christ.”
Six things a leader must give attention to
Equip yourself as a leader, win souls, disciple new converts, retain the membership, sharpen other leaders and minister with effectiveness. Every person God sends is important, so the church must not lose people to religion, tradition or the world.
“If they come, it means God sent them here. We must receive them and embrace them.”
- John 17:12
Four levels of relationship: fellowship, relationship, partnership and friendship
Fellowship is the Holy Spirit joining blood-washed people, so race and distance are no barrier. Relationship grows as people work together, and partnership is fellow workers who share the senior pastor's vision, like Timothy, Barnabas and Silas with Paul. It must grow into friendship, which calls for vulnerability and humility: stop pretending you have it all together, and remember that God gave you whatever wealth you have.
Illustration: Pastor Nellie Roberts told of a black woman who was treated badly by an usher while carrying a cheque for a million rand, and who still obeyed God afterwards and gave it to the pastor. He also told a man who wanted to handle the church's finances that he would first like to see how he handled his spiritual life.
“The higher you go in life, the more humble you must become.”
- Ephesians 4:26
- 1 Corinthians 5:6
- Acts 20:28
Ten fundamentals of lasting Christian friendship
A God-centred basis of belief, personal covenant commitment (David and Jonathan, Moses and Joshua, Paul and Timothy), faithfulness in adversity, honesty and sincerity, respect, acceptance, empathy instead of judgment, loyalty over time, being willing to ask for help, and forgiveness, love and compromise. Men need to be free to show emotion, everyone is under construction, and you must learn to laugh at yourself.
Illustration: A pastor he once had used to drop his H's when he preached, and people laughed, until one day he laughed at himself. He also admits he was not a perfect parent but did what he could with the knowledge he had.
“If you can only laugh at yourself, your failures, your weaknesses, you'll get over in life.”
- Proverbs 17:17
- Proverbs 27:6-17
- Proverbs 25:17
- Proverbs 10:12
- Romans 12:15
- Proverbs 17:9
- Proverbs 16:28
The laws of relationship
Seven laws make relationships work: initiation (someone must greet first), response, faith (love and forgive by faith), love, toleration of weaknesses, sacrifice of your time, taste, opinions and things, and confidentiality with what people share. When men fail to reward you, God will raise up others to balance your books.
Illustration: A stern store assistant exchanged a damaged item without the slip because he and his wife stayed friendly. The pig tells the chicken that giving eggs is easy, but giving bacon costs your life.
“Love is like super glue.”
- Proverbs 27:2
Putting it into practice
- Honour the elderly and show respect to everyone, whatever your position.
- Get busy with soul winning and follow up every visitor so no one is lost.
- Be real about your weaknesses and walk in humility, especially when God prospers you.
- Be the first to greet, respond warmly, and keep what people share with you confidential.
- Stay planted where God has joined you and walk by faith, not feelings.
Closing
He urges the leaders to build lifelong friendships like Pastor Chris and the ministers who have walked with him for 25 years, to see people with spiritual eyes, and to stay planted in the stream God has connected them to. He shares how pastors he prayed for have seen their churches changed, and ends by returning to his opening statement: if Muslims can be so committed to their cause, Christians can die to themselves to spread the gospel.
Declarations he led
- Soul winning is important.
- We're not going to lose anybody.
- Humble yourself.
- You're under construction.
- You can change.
- Your father is with you.
- Don't miss it.
- But we can do it.
In his words
- “An ill-mannered man is no man at all.”
- “Sorry won't make us smaller.”
- “The higher you go in life, the more humble you must become.”
- “Your feelings will kill you. Crucify your feelings. It will raise you.”
- “He's connected you to a stream. Drink from that stream. Don't go and look for another stream.”
Every scripture in this message
- Romans 13:7
- Hosea 4:6
- Ephesians 5:16-17
- Proverbs 11:30
- Luke 14:23
- John 17:12
- Ephesians 4:26
- 1 Corinthians 5:6
- Acts 20:28
- Proverbs 17:17
- Proverbs 27:6-17
- Proverbs 25:17
- Proverbs 10:12
- Romans 12:15
- Proverbs 17:9
- Proverbs 16:28
- Proverbs 27:2
- 2 Corinthians 5:7
- 1 Corinthians 2:4
- 1 Corinthians 4:20
