Adam Blamed Eve: Ending the Blame Game in Your Relationships

Sermon outline

Living Jesus' command to love means walking in agape love that owns its mistakes, celebrates others, keeps wise boundaries, values every person Jesus paid for, and lets God's nature come out of you when the storms of life shake you.

1. Created for fellowship, restored through Christ

   Mankind was created for fellowship with God, but the fall brought separation and Adam lost God's friendship. Jesus showed God's heart openly: He had compassion on the sick and wept over the city, and when He fed the multitude He simply gave thanks and the bread and fish did not run out. Through Christ we are reconciled, God's image in us is a spiritual and moral likeness, and those who are filled with the Spirit are never alone.

   Illustration: As the disciples broke the boy's little bread and fish, it kept not finishing, and twelve baskets were left over. He adds, as his own opinion, that God is the great accountant who compensates for our mistakes, so don't beat yourself up over a loss.

   “God is not a God of addition or subtraction, he's a multiplier of the blessings of God.”

   • Matthew 14:14-21
   • Luke 19:41
   • Hebrews 13:5
   • Genesis 1:27
   • 1 Peter 2:9
   • 2 Corinthians 3:2
   • Hebrews 4:15
   • John 1:29
   • Matthew 3:14-15

2. The blame game

   When God confronted Adam he blamed Eve, and Eve blamed the serpent, and the blame game still goes on between husbands, wives, children and parents, and in the workplace when people are questioned by a manager. Be upfront and say you are sorry and that it was your fault. Saying sorry is speaking the truth and takes nothing away from you.

   Illustration: An employee questioned by a supervisor blames this one and that one, then complains about the terrible boss once the supervisor has left the office.

   “If you apologize, it doesn't make you smaller, it doesn't demean you, it doesn't take anything from you.”

   • Genesis 3:12-13

3. Love God and love your neighbour

   Jesus commanded us to love one another with agape love, not the human love that loves because of what someone does for us, but a love that overlooks faults and makes up for others' mistakes, because strife, envy, jealousy and division never come from God. Loving God and loving your neighbour belong together, and your neighbour is anyone you come into contact with. Make the success and wellbeing of others as important as your own, celebrate their successes rather than criticising them, and keep a grateful heart.

   Illustration: Every now and then he phones preachers who impacted his life just to tell them he is grateful for them, and they are taken aback because so many people are ungrateful.

   “When somebody does better, especially in the household of God, let's celebrate their successes.”

   • John 13:34
   • John 17:16
   • 2 Corinthians 4:7
   • Matthew 22:37-39

4. Put off, put on, and keep boundaries

   Colossians 3 tells us to put to death the old ways, and the notes list ten things to take off and ten to put on. He adds that there are boundaries in every relationship, even between husband and wife and within families, so draw circles around your life and don't tell everybody everything, because people do not forget and may still judge you.

   Illustration: Jesus had twelve disciples, but only one or two were very close, and one of the twelve was Judas Iscariot. If the ratio is one in twelve, a team of 24 may have two.

   “Don't tell everybody everything.”

   • Colossians 3:1-5
   • Matthew 26:21

5. Storms reveal what is inside you

   God uses the storms of life to teach us, and Satan's aim is still to separate us from God and His Word, using people we can see though he himself is unseen. Learn to discern, and as a manager do not be afraid to discipline or let go of someone who keeps causing strife, because strife drives out the blessing. When storms shake a mature believer, what comes out is God's love, mercy and kindness, and they bounce back.

   Illustration: A soft-drink can wrapped in white paper gives no clue what is inside, but shake it and pull the tab and whatever is in it comes spurting out. When the enemy shakes you, what comes out is the contents: God's nature.

   “Every storm helped me to trust in God.”

   • Ephesians 6:12
   • Romans 5:5

6. Value the people around you

   Honour those in authority over you and go the extra mile, because they are your open door to promotion, and work as a team. Married couples should esteem one another and not compete, even when the wife earns more. Every person is valued by Christ, so do not devalue your spouse or children, value yourself and be comfortable in your own skin, listen to your grandchildren, and honour parents and family friends while keeping boundaries.

   Illustration: One good player still needs the other ten; imagine a football team playing without a goalkeeper.

   “Remember that you did not pay the price for them. Jesus paid the price for them.”

7. The pathway of change

   Nothing can separate us from the love of God, so you are not a loser but a winner. Real change is harder than changing behaviour: be totally honest with God, live with a clean conscience, and when people cheat you, leave them to God, because the battle is the Lord's and vengeance is His. God is a loving Father who defends His children, and the Holy Spirit exposes what is in our hearts, convicts, comforts and holds us up; the notes give ten negative responses and the positive ones to replace them, such as answering malice with forgiveness.

   Illustration: He asks a member what she would do if someone attacked her children, and she answers that she would defend them; so does our heavenly Father. The Holy Spirit is like the skeleton that holds up a body.

   “He is our inner skeleton that holds us up, that props us up.”

   • Romans 8:35-39
   • 2 Chronicles 20:15
   • Romans 12:19