Men Like Shortcuts, Women Like Scenery: One Dad to Another
Dr RJ Sing, 16 min, Part 8 of Lockdown Messages 2020
Originally recorded as “One Man to Another”
Sermon outline
A father's number one job is to love his wife, because the way he treats their mother is what his children will carry into their own marriages.
Main text
- Ephesians 5:28-29
- Genesis 39:2
Opening
On Mother's Day he greets the mums of the church and around the world, and honours the women who preach the gospel, telling them not to let criticism stop them. He then speaks "one dad to another dad" about being a championship family and how to honour your wife, your children and your mother, reading a run of scriptures that begins with Genesis 39:2.
Your number one job is to love your wife
"Husbands, love your wives" sounds simple, but it is a pattern to discover and maintain for a lifetime. A man has to train himself to be kind and to say complimentary things, because it does not happen automatically. She challenges you to be a better man, she understands you and she repeatedly forgives you. All the while your children are watching and banking your words and actions to repeat in the future.
Illustration: Loving your wife is like a puzzle: the flowers and the chocolates are part of a pattern you keep discovering.
“If you are a husband, your number one job is to love your wife.”
- Genesis 39:2
- 1 John 5:11-12
- 1 John 5:20
- 2 Corinthians 5:17
- 1 John 5:1
- Ephesians 5:28-29
1. Discuss your children's development with your children's mother
These conversations keep the two of you on the same page.
“Your children will feel deeply loved when they see mom and dad united.”
2. Discuss your goals for each child with your children's mother
This assumes you have specific goals for each child. Both parents should teach them, for example, how to handle finances and money.
Illustration: His own mother taught him about finances and the handling of money. He says it left an indelible mark and that he still practises it as an adult.
“By the time they are 16 or 18, what kind of adults do you want them to be?”
3. Discuss your children's problems with your children's mother
Mum and dad together, in agreement and without disagreement, will find solutions for every problem that confronts them.
“No finger pointing, focus on seeing the problem and brainstorming solutions.”
- Matthew 18:19
4. Discuss your frustrations as a parent with your children's mother
Have a healthy discussion and give your partner a healthy dose of encouragement. Prayer is what unites a couple, so pray for your wife, your children and your family.
“Prayer is what will keep a family together.”
5. Spend quality time with your wife, away from your children
Give her quality time to show her that she is important. Arrange sitters and places to get away to, and plan time together regularly. If you do not, one day you will feel that you are sitting with a stranger.
“Stay friends. The best of friends.”
6. Have a good relationship with your wife
Go out of your way for it. Sometimes a husband just needs to keep quiet and listen. Settle disagreements quickly.
“A good marriage isn't one that avoids difficulties. It's one in which you learn to handle them.”
7. Be romantic to your wife
It is not whether you think you are being romantic; it is whether she feels that you are. Do not take shortcuts, and keep the love boat afloat in your marriage.
“Men like shortcuts. Women like scenery.”
Putting it into practice
- Give your wife at least three brief statements every day to declare your love for her.
- Find out what makes her feel loved and secure, and make sure she gets plenty of it.
- Talk with her about each child's development, goals and problems, without finger pointing.
- Settle disagreements quickly and pray together.
- Praise your wife in front of your children.
Closing
He says marriage is maintenance and improvement, and challenges husbands to honour their bride and make her feel special, because the example they set is what their children will take into marriage. He decrees the love of God over the mothers, blesses everything their hands touch and salutes them, signing off as Pastor Sing from FCI Rhema Durban.
In his words
- “If you are a husband, your number one job is to love your wife.”
- “Impressions are being made on your children all the time.”
- “Men like shortcuts. Women like scenery.”
- “Marriage is maintenance and improvement.”
- “You make home beautiful.”
Every scripture in this message
- Genesis 39:2
- 1 John 5:11-12
- 1 John 5:20
- 2 Corinthians 5:17
- 1 John 5:1
- Ephesians 5:28-29
- Matthew 18:19